My mother's heart and soul
Have gone halfway up the pole
My father's on the dole
This is taking its toll
My friend Bert is much too old
And his dog's beyond control
Though it sometimes seems they're droll
It's a nuisance on the whole

I'm profoundly in love with Pandora
My poem has an intellectual theme
The tenderness with which I adore her
Goes all bouncy in my dreams

Yesterday my chin was clear
Now a new spot has appeared
Barry Kent had cost me dear
'Till my Grandma interfered
The BBC know I'm sincere
In making writing my career
Wish my mum would come back here
Lots of ups and downs this year

I'm profoundly in love with Pandora
She's got knee-socks and treacle coloured hair
The tenderness with which I adore her
Is something fine and rare

But, my Dad's in a mess
And there's a great deal of stress
At our house (our house)
And my major concern
Is that things might return
To normal (normal)
So get rid of that creep
And come back to sleep
In our house (our house)
We both miss you Mum
So hurry up and come
Back home

My mother's heart and soul
Have gone halfway up the pole
(Profoundly in love with Pandora)
Though it sometimes seems they're droll
It's a nuisance on the whole
(Profoundly in love with Pandora)
Yesterday my chin was clear
Now a new spot has appeared
I'm profoundly in love with Pandora
Wish my mum would come back here
Lots of ups and downs this year
(Profoundly in love with Pandora)

I'm profoundly in love with Pandora
Things aren't always what they seem
The tenderness with which I adore her
Is indeed a love supreme

Now here's a story of a little lad
With a Polish Mum and a Russian Dad
Whose bosses said this love was bad
They sent his Dad to Leningrad

His Mum got ill and soon she died
A Polish orphan was certified
They stuck the little boy inside
For years and years he cried and cried

Eugenius, you're a genius
Eugenius, you're a genius

Eugenius grew to be eighteen
With a father he'd not heard nor seen
A Polish Dad for whom love was mean
Set his sights on stage and screen

An actor now in a travelling show
The troupe performed in old Moscow
The father whom he did not know
Turned up and begged him not to go

Eugenius, you're a genius
Eugenius, you're a genius

Two days of vodka drunken race
With vodka tears upon his face
His father to his own disgrace
Said "Poland's such a little place"

"While over here I've got it made
The Russian rules must be obeyed
I investigate the black market trade
And I'm the one who must be obeyed"

Eugenius, you're a genius
Eugenius, you're a genius

A voice said "No, I'll go alone
To the only home I've ever known
To start a family of my own
Such is the seed that you have sown"

And then he heard that his Dad was dead
With a Russian bullet in his head
So he wrote to Moscow for some bread
"Forget it son", was all they said

Eugenius, you're a genius, Eugenius, you're a genius
Eugenius, you're a genius, Eugenius, you're a genius

Eugenius, you're a genius, Eugenius, you're a genius
Eugenius, you're a genius, Eugenius, you're a genius

Eugenius, you're a genius, Eugenius, you're a genius
Eugenius, you're a genius, Eugenius, you're a genius
Eugenius, you're a genius, Eugenius, you're a genius