Juke Box Dury
The best of Ian Dury
Released November 1981
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Side 1 |
Side 2 |
I could be the driver an articulated lorry
I could be a poet, I wouldn't need to worry
I could be the teacher in a classroom full of scholars
I could be the sergeant in a squadron full of wallahs
What a waste
What a waste
What a waste
What a waste
Because I chose to play the fool in a six-piece band
First night nerves every one night stand
I should be glad to be so inclined
What a waste! What a waste!
Rock and roll don't mind
(Schtum)
I could be a lawyer with stratagems and ruses
I could be a doctor with poultices and bruises
I could be a writer with a growing reputation
I could be the ticket man at Fulham Broadway station
What a waste
What a waste
What a waste
What a waste
Because I chose to play the fool in a six-piece band
First night nerves every one night stand
I should be glad to be so inclined
What a waste! What a waste!
Rock and roll don't mind
I could be the catalyst that sparks the revolution
I could be an inmate in a long-term institution
I could lead to wide extremes, I could do or die
I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch them gallop by
What a waste
What a waste
What a waste
What a waste
Because I chose to play the fool in a six-piece band
First night nerves every one night stand
I should be glad to be so inclined
What a waste! What a waste!
Rock and roll don't mind
Chose to play the fool in a six-piece band
First night nerves every one night stand
I should be glad to be so inclined
What a waste! What a waste!
Rock and roll don't mind
What a waste! What a waste!
Rock and roll don't mind
Chose to play the fool in a six-piece band
First night nerves every one night stand
I should be glad to be so inclined
What a waste! What a waste!
Rock and roll don't mind
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL (PART 3)
Why don't you get back into bed?, Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed?, Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed?, Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed?, Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed?, Why don't you get back into bed
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Some of Buddy Holly, the working folly
Good Golly Miss Molly and boats
Hammersmith Palais, the Bolshoi Ballet
Jump back in the alley, add nanny goats
Eighteen-wheeler Scammels, Domineker camels
All other mammals plus equal votes
Seeing Piccadilly, Fanny Smith and Willy
Being rather silly and porridge oats
A bit of grin and bear it, a bit of come and share it
You're welcome, we can spare it, yellow socks
Too short to be haughty, too nutty to be naughty
Going on forty, no electric shocks
The juice of the carrot, the smile of a parrot
A little drop of claret - anything that rocks
Elvis and Scotty, the days when I ain't spotty,
Sitting on the potty, curing smallpox
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Reasons to be Cheerful - one, two, three
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Health service glasses, gigolos and brasses
Round or skinny bottoms
Take your mum to Paris, lighting up the chalice
Wee Willy Harris
Bantu Stephen Biko, listening to Rico
Harpo, Groucho, Chico
Cheddar cheese and pickle, the Vincent motor sickle
Slap and tickle
Woody Allen, Dali, Dimitri and Pasquale
Balabalabala and Volare
Something nice to study, phoning up a buddy
Being in my nuddy
Saying 'okey-dokey', singalonga Smokey
Coming out of chokey
John Coltrane's soprano, Adi Celantano
Bonar Colleano
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Reasons to be Cheerful - one, two, three
Yes, yes, dear, dear, perhaps next year
Or maybe even never
In which case .....
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Reasons to be Cheerful - one, two, three
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3)
Reasons to be Cheerful - one, two, three
I come awake
With a gift for womankind
You're still asleep
But the gift don't seem to mind
Rise on this occasion
Halfway up your back
Sliding down your body
Touching your behind
You look so self-possessed
I won't disturb your rest
It's lovely when you're sleeping
But wide awake is best
Wake up and make love with me
Wake up and make love
Wake up and make love with me
I don't want to make you
I'll let the fancy take you
And you'll wake up and make love
You come awake
In a horny morning mood
And have a proper wriggle
In the naughty naked nude
Roll against my body
Get me where you want me
What happens next is private
It's also very rude
I'll go and get the post
And make some tea and toast
You have another sleep, love
It's me that needs it most
Wake up and make love with me
Wake up and make love
Wake up and make love with me
I don't want to make you
I'll let the fancy take you
And you'll wake up and make love
Wake up and make love with me
Wake up and make love
Wake up and make love with me
Wake up and make love
Wake up
Wake up
Wake up
Wake up
THERE AIN'T HALF BEEN SOME CLEVER BASTARDS
Noel Coward was a charmer
As a writer he was Brahma
Velvet jackets and pyjamas
The Gay Divorce and other dramas
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Lucky bleeders
Lucky bleeders
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Van Gogh did some eyeball pleasers
He must have been a pencil squeezer
He didn't do the Mona Lisa
That was an Italian geezer
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Lucky bleeders
Lucky bleeders
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Einstein can't be classed as witless
He claimed atoms were the littlest
When you did a bit of splitiness
Frightened everybody shitless
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Probably got help from their mum who had help from her mum
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Now that we've had some let's hope that there's lots more to come
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Lucky bleeders
Lucky bleeders
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Okey dokey
Oh!
Segovia
La la la la da da da dee
Tee tum di dum tee tum tum diddle dum dee
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Lucky bleeders
Lucky bleeders
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Lucky bleeders
Lucky bleeders
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Lucky bleeders
Lucky bleeders
There ain't half been some clever ...
Bastards
In the deserts of Sudan
And the gardens of Japan
From Milan to Yucatán
Every womans, every man
Hit me with your rhythm stick
Hit me! Hit me!
Je t'adore, ich liebe dich
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
Hit me with your rhythm stick
Hit me slowly, hit me quick
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
In the wilds of Borneo
And the vineyards of Bordeaux
Eskimo, Arapaho
Move their body to and fro
Hit me with your rhythm stick
Hit me! Hit me!
Das ist gut, c'est fantastique
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
Hit me with your rhythm stick
It's nice to be a lunatic
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
Hit me! Hit me! Hit ..... me!
In the dock of Tiger Bay
On the road to Mandalay
From Bombay to Santa Fé
O'er the hills and far away
Hit me with your rhythm stick
Hit me! Hit me!
C'est si bon, um, ist es nicht
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
Hit me with your rhythm stick
Two fat persons, click, click, click
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
Hit me!
Hit me!
Hit me! Ow!
Hit me!Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
In my yellow jersey, I went out on the nick
South Street, Romford, Shopping Arcade
Got a 'Razzle' magazine, I never paid
Inside my jacket and away double quick
Good sense told me once was enough
But I had a cocky eye on more of this stuff
With a 'Razzle' in my pocket back to have another pick
Instead of being sneaky, I strolled inside
I put my thieving hand on something rude
I walked right out with a silhouette of nudes
"Hold on, sonny", said a voice at my side,
"I think you've taken one of my books"
Passers-by gave me dirty looks
"Not me mister", I bravely lied
We stopped by the window of a jeweller's shop
"If it's money for your lunch, I'd have given you a loan"
"Have you got any form? Were you on your own?"
"Round to the station and we'll tell the cops"
"I'm ever so ashamed, it was wicked and rash"
"Here's the book back, and here's the cash"
"I've never stole before, I'll promise I'll stop"
"Crime doesn't pay, you've got honest eyes"
"If we go to the law another thief is born"
"And I'll get the book back, creased and torn"
"So, return what you've taken and apologise"
I gave him back his nudie book
I said I was sorry, I slung my hook
With the 'Razzle' in my pocket as the second prize
SEX AND DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Is all my brain and body need
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Is very good indeed
Keep your silly ways or throw them out the window
The wisdom of your ways, I've been there and I know
Lots of other ways, what a jolly bad show
If all you ever do is business you don't like
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Is very good indeed
Every bit of clothing ought to make you pretty
You can cut the clothing, grey is such a pity
I should wear the clothing of Mr. Walter Mitty
See my tailor, he's called Simon, I know it's going to fit
Here's a little bit of advice
You're quite welcome it is free
Don't do nothing that is cut price
You know what that'll make you be
They will try their tricky device
Trap you with the ordinary
Get your teeth into a small slice
The cake of liberty
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Ow! Ow!
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex, and drugs, and rock, and roll
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex, and drugs, and rock, and roll
Sex and drugs ....
In the mirror, when I'm debonair
My reactions are my own affair
A body likes to be near the bone
Oh Nancy, Leslie, Jack and Joan
I die when I'm alone, alone
Shake your booty when your back is bent
Put your feelings where my mouth just went
As serious as things do seem
At least you've put me on the team
And friends, do rule, supreme, OK
Oh, pardon you, me (inbetweenies, inbetweenies)
With a capital 'C' (inbetweenies, inbetweenies)
And who would have thought (inbetweenies, inbetweenies)
With a capital nought (inbetweenies)
In between the lines
Ohhhhhhhhhh
Spread your chickens when you think of next (inbetweenies, inbetweenies)
What the Dickens if they're highly-sexed
Through channels that were once canals
Do lift the heart of my morale
To know that we are pals, yes
Oh, vanity fair (inbetweenies, inbetweenies)
With a capital 'V' (inbetweenies, inbetweenies)
You give me a share (inbetweenies, inbetweenies)
You take it from me (inbetweenies, inbetweenies)
Oh, jolly good show (inbetweenies, inbetweenies)
With a capital 'O' (inbetweenies, inbetweenies)
It's terrific to go (inbetweenies, inbetweenies)
Hellooo (inbetweenies)
Hello, hello, hello
Hello, hello, hello
Barney Beanies, ultra marinees
Inbetweenies, inbetweenies, inbetweenies, inbetweenies,
inbetweenies, inbetweenies
You're not Brigitte Bardot
I'm not Jack Palance
I'm not Shirley Temple
On any circumstance
Or Fred Astaire
You're not Sydney Taphler
I'm not Dirk Bogarde
I'm not very stylish
And you're not avant garde
Or Lionel Blair
We're as common as muck
Bon chance, viel glück, good luck
Where bold is beautiful we don't give a damn
Love a duck we're as common as muck
You're not Victor Hugo
I'm not Patience Strong
I'm not Rodney Rygate
Or Yvonne Goolagong
Shirley Abacair
I'm not Nelly Melba
You're not Nelly Dean
We do our best endeavours
To keep our doobries clean
'Cause we care
We're as common as muck
Buona fortuna, vayas con dios, good luck
Where bold is beautiful we don't give a damn
Love a duck we're as common as muck
We're as common as muck
Bon chance, viel glück, good luck
Where bold is beautiful we don't give a damn
Love a duck we're as common as muck
Blue Gene baby
Skinny white sailor, the chances were slender, the beauties were brief
Shall I mourn your decline with some Thunderbird wine
and a black handkerchief?
I miss your sad Virginia whisper, I miss the voice that called my heart
Sweet Gene Vincent
Young and old and gone
Sweet Gene Vincent
Who, who, who slapped John?
White face, black shirt
White socks, black shoes
Black hair, white strat
Bled white, died black
Sweet Gene Vincent
Let the Blue Caps roll tonight
At the Sock Hop Ball in the Union Hall
The bop is their delight
Here come duck-tail Danny dragging uncanny Annie, she's the one with the flying
feet
You can break the peace, daddy sickle grease, the beat is reet complete
And the jump-back honey in the dungarees, tight sweater and a pony-tail
Will you guess her age when she comes back-stage, the hoodlums bite their nails
Black gloves, white frost
Black crêpe, white lead
White sheet, black knight
Jet black, dead white
Sweet Gene Vincent
There's one in every town
And the devil drives 'til the hearse arrives
And you lay that pistol down
Sweet Gene Vincent
With nowhere left to hide
With lazy skin and ashtray eyes
And perforated pride
So farewell, mademoiselle knicker-bocker hotel
Goodbye to money owed
But your leg still hurts and you need more shirts
You got to get back on the road
I'm Charley, you know
I'm Norman, pleased to meet you
I'm Mickey, hello
Wilko
I'm Johnny, how are you doing Harry?
My name is David
And I'm Ian... and ... guess what?
Oi!
I want to be straight, I want to be straight
I'm sick and tired of taking drugs and staying up late.
I wanna confirm, I wanna conform
I wanna be safe and I wanna be snug and I wanna be warm
I want to be straight, I want to be straight
I wanna create a place of my own in the welfare state
Brr, gonna be good, brr, gonna be kind
It might be a wrench but think of the stench I'm leaving behind
I want to be straight, I want to be straight
Come out of the cold and do what I'm told and don't deviate
I wanna give, I wanna give, I wanna give my consent
I'm learning to hate all the things that were great when I used to be... bent!
Could be that straightness
Might lead to greatness
Owing to lateness
My chance has only just arrived, ha!
Straight, straight, straight, straight
Straight, straight, straight, straight
Straight, straight, straight, straight, straight
I want to be straight, I want to be straight
I'm sick and tired of taking drugs and staying up late
I know that you're right, I know I was wrong
So thanks very much, please keep in touch, I'll be running along
I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to
be straight
I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to
be straight
I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to
be straight
I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to
be straight
I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to
be straight
I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to
be straight
I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to
be straight
I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to be straight, I want to
be .....
Straight
You'll see
They think I'm off my crust as I creep about the gaff
But I'm really getting ready to surprise them all
Because I'm busy sorting out the problems of the world
And when I reveal all, won't they get a crinkly mouth?
I've given my all to the task at hand unstintingly
When it's all over, I'll rest on my laurels
Here, for a moment, is a glimpse of my plan
All the kids will be happy learning things
The wind will smell of wild flowers
Nobody will whack each other about or nasty things
All the room in the world
They take me for a mug as I smile
They think I'm too out of tune to mind being patronised
All in all, it's been another phase in my chosen career
And when my secrets are out they'll bite their silly tongues
All I want for my birthday is another birthday
When skies are blue, we all feel the benefit
Glimpse number two for the listener
Everyone will feel useful in lovely ways
Trees will be firmly rooted in town and country
Illness and despair will be dispensed with
All the room in the world
They ask me if I've heard the voices yet
They don't think I know any true answers
It's true that I haven't quite finished yet
When it all comes out in the wash, they'll eat their words
I've got all their names and addresses
Later on I'll write them each a 'thank you' letter
Before I stop, here's a last glimpse into the general future
Home rule will exist in each home forever
Every living thing will be another friend
This wonderful state of affairs will last for always
This has been got out by a friend
Copyright details - Compositions written by Ian Dury/Chaz
Jankel/Rod Melvin/Davey Payne/Russell Hardy/Mickey Gallagher/Norman
Watt-Roy/Johnny Turnball.
Originally published by Blackhill Music
Ltd, Warner Bros Music and Andrew Heath Music Ltd now published by Templemill
Ltd.
No infringement of copyright is intended. The purpose of this site
is purely to encourage the sales of Ian Dury and the Blockhead records and
allow fans to appreciate the clever lyrics and sing along with the songs.